Interview With A Healer

Health and Wealth

Wellness is becoming more aware of the choices you make for a balanced life. Wellness is the pursuit of continued growth and balance. In the previous post on my blog, we have gone over a few pillars of wellness and, my favorites is spiritual wellness. Spiritual Wellness, the basis of spirituality is discovering a sense of meaningfulness in your life and coming to know that you have a purpose to fulfill to read more check out this blog post below. 

https://humblesoullifeofajuicer.blog/2021/07/17/spiritual-wellness/

In this blog post, I had the honor of talking to Jupiteria an animist astrologer, reader, reiki practitioner, and death doula in training. This is a mini-series I am working on to teach you all about different ways you can heal and amazing people who can help you. Check back in a few days to learn about another pillar of wellness. 

  • What healing modalities are you into? Choose one and Explain

At a basic level, a death doula is someone who provides non-medical support to a dying person and their loved ones. You always have to keep your scope of practice in mind and refer clients who may need certain medical or mental health professionals, but we can offer emotional, spiritual, and physical support. This involves a really wide array of spiritual healing tools and rituals, it’s whatever your client is open to! Oftentimes when someone is getting a death doula they are also working with a hospice team, which can mean western medicine has done all it can for the person and the goal is to keep them comfortable. Reiki is the perfect healing modality that can come in as a last line of defense to provide relief. 

  • In a few words what started you on your journey?

This is a story with a lot of moving parts, but basically it started back in 2012 when I was a CNA in a long term care facility. I saw first hand how neglected and alone our dying population can be and it really struck something deep in my soul. I knew I wanted to work with death and dying in some way but didn’t feel ready to at the time because I had a pretty paralyzing fear of death. After recently coming to terms with and understanding my own mortality I finally feel ready to empower and help people plan for a peaceful death so that they can live a more peaceful life.

  • Which spiritual principles steer your work?

First and foremost is the principle of service. I believe it’s such a powerful and loving spiritual gift you can give someone to be helpful to them- especially in sensitive moments like what you see as a death doula. Being able to hold space for someone and help them to transition peacefully from this life to the next is a very spiritual experience. The drive for honesty and justice is another one that really fuels my work. I have absolutely nothing against funeral homes, they are very necessary, but I have also seen where people can be taken advantage of by those in the funeral profession who don’t have the best intention. It is very important to me that people know all of their rights and options. My goal is to start hosting webinars and death cafes soon to help make people aware of these things. I truly believe that sharing this information and preparing for end of life, even if we’re young and healthy, can help give us a better sense of calm and help us feel more in control of our existence.

  • Which non-invasive healing strategies would you frequently employ?

I love incorporating reiki into my services, even if it’s just for a consultation to help someone with advanced directives or death care planning. I also love incorporating other healing techniques like meditation, crystals, etc. I’m really down for whatever is most supportive of my client.

  • How would you respond if your spiritual guidance was poorly received?

As a death doula I make sure to not project any of my beliefs or spirituality on to people because part of what were meant to do is help people get clear on their own wants and beliefs. However, if this were to come up I keep in mind that we are all our own sovereign beings and it’s okay if someone believes differently than me. 

  • What could spiritual work do to bolster community connections?

I think death work is just one of so many good things to consider when we’re talking about reconnecting with our communities. This is still practiced in many places in the world, but especially in more ancient times death was seen as a sacred right of passage that required the support from an entire village. Everyone helped out in some way or another throughout the process. We have become such a death phobic culture and push anything to do with dying out of sight and out of mind, which only enhances that collective fear. If we can meet death in a more sacred way and bring back that community involvement I really think that is a great step towards overall harmony and will help us not only connect deeper to our roots, but connect deeper to each other.

  • What are a few challenges of building your business and your following? If you have any or advice for someone up and coming? 

Getting people interested in what you’re doing can always be a big challenge- for any kind of business to be honest! The hardest part I’ve struggled with personally is pinpointing exactly what I want to offer. The pandemic has challenged me to really think about how I can still be virtually supportive of people going through one of the most vulnerable times of their life. I want to be able to offer so many things but there’s only so many hours in a day and so much energy that I have. I’m also an astrologer and when I started offering reading as a service the requests came in fast and I quickly got burnt out. My advice for someone up and coming would be to learn from my mistake and make a plan as soon as you can that outlines what you want to offer, what you don’t want to offer, and how many services you can reasonably do in a day/week/month without overwhelming yourself. 

  • How do you stay grounded?

Grounding honestly is not my strongest point, but I do whatever I can to try and stay in my body as much as possible! Some things that help me stay connected and focused are gardening, meditating, being with my family, reading books, and playing video games when I have time.

  • What is the definition of rest to you?

For me personally, rest has a lot to do with boundaries. Not only boundaries with others but also boundaries with yourself. I can get burnt out from things very quickly because I usually dive right into things I’m passionate about. So, catching myself before that process starts to happen is the best thing I can do for myself, and I think a lot of people can relate. Rest to me means setting and sticking with boundaries to ensure I have enough time to be a person outside of my passions and peacefully enjoy my existence.

Health and Wellness

Health and Wealth

As I start to get more settled, I have been working on a new series to jump-start my Houston takeover. Wellness is becoming more aware of the choices you make for a balanced life. Wellness is the pursuit of continued growth and balance in the seven dimensions of wellness. Many people think about “wellness” in terms of physical health only. The word invokes thoughts of nutrition, exercise, weight management, blood pressure, etc. Start with small changes within each dimension and take it one day at a time – you don’t have to run a marathon or go on a restrictive diet to implement wellness into your everyday life! Check out the chart below for more information.

Follow us on Instagram to learn more about each dimension in detail and tips to help you on your journey. Challenge yourself to become a better you.

(https://www.instagram.com/humble____soul3/)

The Seven Dimensions of Wellness:

Physical.

Emotional.

Intellectual.

Social.

Spiritual.

Environmental.

Occupational.

Don’t forget to like and follow my business page on Facebook

Humble Soul LLC

Divorce pt 2

Health and Wealth


 Good day everyone, and welcome back. I pray everyone has had a great week so far! Happy Day! Today we are wrapping up our mini divorce series, for now to prepare for my next phase in life. Moving to Texas was such a big decision, but I have always wanted to do it. I guess you can call it a calling; it honestly reminded me of Frozen 2 when the princess had to find her voice and realize that the only thing missing was herself, her true self. 

 If you have any questions, please feel free to comment below or send an email at humblesoul80888@gmail.com. 

Jumping right in, let’s talk about self-sabotage which is probably one of my biggest downfalls. You never know what you should be doing but still decide to do something else entirely. When you go through something that brings you to rock bottom, the only way out is through. 

Self-sabotage refers to behaviors or thought patterns that hold you back and prevent you from doing what you want to do.

Or Self-sabotage is when you undermine your own goals and values.

( EX: You have a deadline to meet, but instead of doing the work, you decide to go out and miss it)

Examples:

• Procrastination: The action of delaying or postponing something

• Substance Abuse: Excessive use of psychoactive drugs, such as alcohol, pain medications, or illegal drugs. It can lead to physical, social, or emotional harm

• Stress Eating: Eating when you are not hungry or overeating under a significant amount of stress

• Chronic Lateness: (The act of repetitive late arrival)

• Intimacy and Commitment Issues: Fears of being stuck or feeling suffocated in a relationship or struggle with ambivalence and doubt significant decisions, including their relationships. 

Now it’s essential never to shame anyone because you never know what they could be going through, and if you fit one more of these examples, please be kind to yourself. Since 2020 the world has been moving at a different pace, and even before, it seemed to be moving too fast. From losing family members to losing jobs managing and grounding yourself has never been so important. When my divorce process started, I was honestly terrified. I have my business but no other stable source of income, no car in my name, and a mediocre savings account. I had no idea where to start or what I was going to do. I started second-guessing my decisions; “maybe we could work it out?” or perhaps I was getting too ahead of myself. 

I have never lived alone, never really had to pay rent. It dawned on me that even though I knew how to take care of myself, I honestly didn’t. Someone has always been around to do everything for me, and that’s when I decided it was time for a change.

Remember to learn to accept and ask for help though it is okay not to have your shit together at first. I, hands down, would not be where I am without my family and support group. I have always been counter-dependent, and I have always “figured it out.” I had a fantastic childhood, but my parents traveled a lot. It wasn’t until I was an adult I realized my parents did everything they could to give me both what I wanted and needed. And as an adult, it is my responsibility to heal from anything that has bothered or hurt me. It’s essential, to be honest with those in your corner about your healing journey. You don’t always have to be strong; let people get close to you, recognize the signs. Check back this week to learn more about counter dependency. 

 I have been in Houston for one week now, and nothing has gone according to plan. I spent way more than I expected to and had to change my plan at least three times. But I have faith in my journey, and I know it’ll work out for my highest good. Never be afraid of change because what’s next could surprise you. As someone who does not like being taken care of, it’s hard for me; but I promise you can do this. Even if it’s getting out of bed and taking a shower, I am so proud of you. 

Top reasons for divorce:

• Money 

• Lack of Intimacy (physical, emotional, etc.)

• Cheating

• Abuse of any kind

• Lack of Communication or none

• Addiction ( alcohol, drugs, porn, shopping, gambling, etc.)

• Loss of Identify 

How to prepare:

Start Journaling: This one for me had to be the hardest. Once the word divorce comes into play, it would seem like the world is ending. No matter when you checked out from the marriage, I promise you will be okay. From experience, whenever you feel angry, sad, confused, or feel like you need to say something to your ex, DO NOT!! Call a trusted friend, hotline, enroll in therapy if you can, or, of course, JOURNAL. Write it all out, then burn it, type it, or even voice memo it. BUT DO NOT TEXT OR CALL THEM.

Tell them: It should be #1, but there is no real right time to bring up this conversation. If you have concerns, be out in public, ask a friend or relative to be with you. FACE TO FACE IS NOT YOUR ONLY OPTION!! File yourself and let the court handle it.

Identify your goals and what you want: With marriage, many things become joint such as bank accounts, cars, etc.; what do you want to keep or sell? Be direct and concise on where you want to be after and during the divorce. Making a vision board may help keep you on track.

Remember to ASK FOR ADVICE AND HELP!! Understand different divorce options such as Litigation, Mediation, Collaborative or DIY and Set up a filing system ( You will have a lot of paperwork) 

Other things to start doing:

• Learn your state’s residency requirements 

• Prepare an After-Divorce Budget 

• Work on your credit 

• Closeout Joint Accounts 

• Consult with a lawyer 

Things you’ll need: 

1. Paystubs for the last year/ Tax returns 

2. Spouses paystubs 

3. Real estate/ Mortgage paperwork

4. Any Joint accounts and or debt with both your names on it

5. Life Insurance Policies 

A question I get asked a lot, surprisingly, is how do I help my child understand. Now I do not have children, but from my research, I can help you out. Like children, they will always ask why? Children are like sponges; they see and hear everything even if you don’t notice. Some emotions they may face are

• Abandonment

• Alienation

• Rejection

• Anger

• Disbelief

• Anxiety

• Unloved

• Confusion

• Loss

• Fear of the future

• Guilt

• Loneliness

• Helplessness

• Delinquency

• Peer conflict

• Irrational risk-taking

Of course, depending on the age, the conversation should vary. Ages 5-9 years old may have a sense of what’s going on. Books like Two home filled with love, Why do families change? Or living with mom and living with dad may help. School relationships with friends, teachers, coaches, and others outside the home become a bigger priority for pre-teens and influence how they react to divorce news. From 10 and up emotionally, children may understand more, but it is essential to know they are still children. Adult children are often living their own complex lives but still need reassurance. Keep your lines of communication open and give them quality time as you would younger children. Never force the conversation but always provide information when required. Try your best never to ask your children to be the “messenger, and it’s unfair and selfish. Above all else, keep your adult divorce conversations private. Children of all ages are sponges, and they will take to heart the comments you make to each other. NEVER EVER guilt-trip your children. You are both ADULTS.  

Are you looking for a therapist for your children? Check out https://www.teencounseling.com/parent_start/?transaction_id=102bbba4f4af39bc121398e4e6ed18&utm_source=affiliate&utm_campaign=Survive+Divorce&utm_medium=Mac+OS+X&utm_content=&utm_term=surviveandthrive&not_found=1. 

Many people say the first step before getting a divorce is counseling or talking to a Chaplin. I know that step is skipped in many cases, but I do not see the harm if you both have second thoughts. I am familiar with military divorce, but please feel free to ask if you are non-military.  

If you are deployed, check out. 

https://www.military.com/spouse/relationships/military-divorce/6-steps-to-get-through-a-deployment-divorce.html.

Non-Military

https://www.legalzoom.com/knowledge/divorce/topic/divorce-process

Child support Calculator

Why Divorce Counseling Is Important

https://www.survivedivorce.com/divorce-counseling

Divorce Wait Time Post

Way longer than I thought, but please let me know if you have any questions. 

If you would like to donate to my moving fund

My cash app is $Yeezy33 

Venmo $Humble-Soul-LLC1

Thank you!

Heal so you can enjoy the life you deserve. Go at your own pace. 

Breathe

D I V O R C E pt 1

Health and Wealth

Hey everyone, and welcome back to my blog. Today is a great day for me. Today, I will share my story, and by the end of it, I hope you are inspired to never give up on yourself. For those who know me, you know that I am recently divorced. I was married for two long, happy years to a nice guy. At the time of my marriage, I was 25 years old. I had never lived outside my parent’s house, and it seemed like love at first sight. Before I continue, I just want to say that this post is not meant to bash my ex or undermine his character. Everyone has flaws and should never be judged for them. Now back to my story….

He was on a submarine in the Navy, so you can imagine how that went. Long hours, lots of duty, and no SLEEP. Being a military wife was a task itself. Learning to take care of literally everything was a task of its own. But it came with what I signed up for. Being married, at first, seemed like a dream… coming from someone who has always taken care of everyone, getting a break seemed like heaven. I had devoted my entire life and time to him so much, that I had become co-dependent. For those of you who don’t know what co-dependency is, look below: 

Codependency: excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically one who requires support on account of an illness or addiction.

Questions to ask yourself if you think you and or your partner is codependent:

  1. Does your sense of purpose involve making extreme sacrifices to satisfy your partner’s needs?
  2. Is it difficult to say no when your partner makes demands on your time and energy?
  3. Do you cover your partner’s problems with drugs, alcohol, or the law?
  4. Do you constantly worry about others’ opinions of you?
  5. Do you feel trapped in your relationship?
  6. Do you keep quiet to avoid arguments?
  7. Do you feel the need to solve everyone’s problem? 
  8. Do you do things from love or for love?
  9. Do you use manipulation, shame, or guilt to control others’ behavior?
  10. Do you ask for help?

Now, this is a pretty tough list for anyone, so please be gentle with yourself. Some of these questions could be considered shadow work. 

Shadow work is the process of working with our shadow selves to eradicate their negative effects in our lives and to integrate the separate parts of ourselves into one whole. Essentially, shadow work is a form of psychoanalysis.

Psychoanalysis: A psychological theory and therapy system aims to treat mental disorders by investigating conscious and unconscious elements in mind and bringing repressed fears and conflicts into the conscious mind through dream interpretation and free association.

If you choose to answer these questions, I encourage you to do something fun and comforting after. Call a loved one or someone you trust. Go for a run, watch your favorite cartoon or even color. Just don’t be hard on yourself; everyone is going through something. 

Once I started doing shadow work, I began to notice patterns I did not like. I was putting up with lies and infidelity, late nights, and strange phone calls. I had become so obsessed with everything being perfect, but I just acted like it was. I had chosen to stay in a marriage because I was afraid. I had never lived alone, never really paid rent. I had no idea what I would do or where I would go? I thought I wasn’t strong enough. Of course, when things were good, they were just that. I was taken care of so why complain? And DO NOT get me started on other’s opinions. I had a panic attack thinking about what would be said about me or my situation. The questions, the rumors, the lies that would be spread from so-called friends and family. I didn’t want to be a failure from the outside looking in. Everything always looks perfect, but never judge a book by its cover.

I had sunk myself so low that I didn’t even know what was happening. I had slept, walked through life, grasping to what little of me that I could scrape together. On the day of the decision, I felt as if my life was over. I went back and forth thinking that maybe this time would be different, or perhaps that maybe I should just settle. It took what little bit of pride I had left to follow through. One thing to keep in mind is that this was a mutual decision. We both decided that it’s not only unhealthy for the both of us but unfair. Just because it doesn’t work out with someone does not mean it won’t work with someone else. It’s hard to imagine your life any different. But one day, you wake up and want better for yourself. One line that has helped me through this process is, “you know you’re ready for change when you’re sick of your own shit.” I woke up one morning ready for change; of course, I was still sad, but I knew I needed to do better for myself. On this journey, I have learned that the support system for military wives is trash. From BS rules, to unfair privileges as a whole, this process has been nothing but stressful. If you are a military spouse and are considering a divorce check out https://www.militaryonesource.mil/financial-legal/legal/family-legal-issues/managing-the-divorce-process/. ( Every branch is different, but the guidelines are the same)

Somethings you should know:

  • An un-remarried former spouse may retain the military ID card if he or she meets the 20/20/20 rule. The 20/20/20 rule requires at least twenty years of marriage, at least twenty years of military service, and at least twenty years of overlap of the marriage and the military service.
  • VA disability benefits aren’t considered an asset during divorce proceedings. 
  • All military members must support their children and their spouses, so their wages may be garnished to ensure the proper payment. Child support may not exceed 60% of a military member’s pay and allowances. Unlike a civilian divorce, the nonmilitary member can go to their ex-spouses commanding officer, which is added protection against a deadbeat parent.
  • Be Prepared for the Service members Civil Relief Act (SCRA). Under the Service members Civil Relief Act (SCRA), the military spouse can request a stay, or suspension, of the divorce proceedings for 90 days. The purpose of the delay is to give the member additional time to respond to the petition and prepare for a trial. 
  • When it comes to divorce, state laws can vary dramatically. For example, certain states require divorcing spouses to split their marital property down the middle, while others don’t. Some states allow for an immediate divorce, while others require a separation period for up to a year before the divorce can be finalized.
  • If you are a military spouse living in installation housing, you will need to move out within 30 days of your divorce.
  • If you are currently living at an overseas duty station, you may be able to get the military to pay for your moving expenses. 

Check back for pt 2. 

I want to end this post by saying thank you to my friends and family. My support system has been out of this world. LEARNING to open yourself up to help and love is hard, but trust me, it is worth it. It will take time to trust again but don’t shut those who genuinely care out. Journaling should be your BFF!!! Every time you want to talk to him/her or have an angry thought, write it out. Write everything out! Don’t hold back. After you write it out, then throw it away or burn it. Find healthy outlets that you can use, such as yoga, meditating, baking, music, the gym, swimming, writing, and the list goes on. 

Peace and Blessings, everyone talk soon