One year ago, Today I decided to do the one thing that I never imagined would be my reality. I walked away from my marriage, packed up my life and moved 3,518 miles away to Texas. I set out on this journey to find someone who I had lost along the way (that someone was me). For the past 27 years of my life, I remember always being the caregiver friend, granddaughter, daughter, cousin and of course wife. I had dedicated every fiber of what I had into making sure that everyone else was okay, and had everything they needed, sometimes even crossing my own boundaries, I didn’t know I needed. (And yes, having boundaries with your family is something you need to do)
Learning what my boundaries were and having the confidence to honor them each day saved my life. Moving away and taking a year to myself saved my life. Finding out who I am and what I want out of life saved my life. Choosing my sanity and my happiness saved my life…
Choosing myself saved my life!
Now of course I know that everyone can’t just pick up and move so below are a few things that I’ve been reflecting on that I hope helps you on your journey.
Also check out these two-blog post I wrote on divorce 👇🏾
- I’ve let love in (literally) it may be hard at first, but love is all around you. I moved here knowing less than 5 people and I’m leaving now with another family.
- I’ve learned from my mistakes. I think I was still a good wife but there are many things I could have done differently. (No, it wasn’t all his fault) I am working at being a better partner now. I appreciate the things that truly matter and have learned that the little things count.
- I’ve accepted that “shit happens” I didn’t fail at anything, and I did nothing wrong by choosing my own happiness.
- I’ve accepted the “true colors”. Of not just my ex-husband but some family & friends as well. Accepting the fact that some people will never change is a big step. LET IT GO & LET THEM GO!!!
- I’ve learned what I want and need in a relationship. I feel like a lot of men and women ignore red flags because we believe that the person will change but I think it’s important to remember that someone will change only when they want to. If you communicate with someone your boundaries and what you won’t accept, and they still choose to ignore it then that needs to be talked about!
- I’ve learned that therapy works. Yes, it is very expensive but sometimes we need to invest in ourselves. It has given me an open door I thought I didn’t need. For more info on therapy check out https://www.purewow.com/wellness/free-therapy-resources and for black women check out https://twitter.com/marlinefrancois/status/1506647260276441092?s=21&t=GFryhLyv5FClDqX_y6BhfQ
- I’ve chosen to forgive myself and my ex-husband. Forgiveness is hard as hell. Like pulling teeth hard but remember “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you. -Lewis B. Smedes” & “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die -Buddha”
- I’ve lived alone. Moving away from home was for me to learn how to take care of myself and become comfy with being alone. I’ve never had my own space previously and I found it’s literally my favorite. (Saving up for my house now lol)
- I’ve been journaling. Not every day but writing out my feelings has helped. Because let’s face it sometimes sharing your feelings with others isn’t what you want to do. So, journal it write out all out every cuss word, every emotion, every bit of whatever it is you have inside and if after you still feel bleh BURN IT. Burn the journal entry (safely of course)
- I’ve been doing the work. From shadow work, inner child healing, and self-love healing. To learn more about shadow work check out https://youtu.be/bCrAabPwih0
Inner child healing: https://youtu.be/IKJPtpaNP2A
One year down with so many to go! I’m back in the dating world still choosing myself and looking good while doing it. If you are going through a bad break up or divorce, remember you are not alone. You got this! If you woke up this morning and got out of bed, I’m proud you! If you ever need someone to talk to shoot me an email.
Be blessed. Be healed. Be loved.